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lol. to ensure that the world's general population or rather the few people that actually read this blog don't die, i edited the previous post.
enjoy your lives.
save me
from myself
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And now I've cut wait time from my previous post by 50%. Took me a month last time, now it's fifteen days. Anyway, I'm gonna stop rambling before I forget my point.
Today was hands down the most suay day of my life. For details, go here. http://dfcw.blogspot.com What isn't there however is what indeed I was thinking about when I was so rudely disturbed by those young upstarts. And I'm only using that word because I don't want to hardcore swear this early in the post.
I was met with possibly one of the sweetest things ever yesterday. A friend of mine -willingly- missed the chance to get a 2x exp item just so he could spend time with his girlfriend. And he's a hardcore gamer. Now that's commitment if I've seen it. However, once the sweetness had worn off, I started thinking, like I always do. If I was in the same situation, would I do the same thing? Choose what's eternal (love) over what's ephemeral (a bunch of 0s and 1s)? Come to think of it, I probably would choose a girl over a game, but that isn't the real question here.
The real question is, when faced with a choice, neither of which is right or wrong (remember the dude did it willingly), what's the criteria for choice? He picked love over a 2x exp item, and power to him for making that choice, but really, what's the criteria? Is there actually a right choice in this case? Maybe hell yeah. Love over games, why not?
When given a choice, either have a lot of fun with no recourse, or show someone how much I love them, what do I do? Either way, I don't get in trouble, she isn't making me do anything, so she won't be pissed anyway, so why not have some more fun?
Its about going the extra mile.
Showing someone you love them, and not just because they told you to show them you love them.
That's another thing with love. It compels us, makes us forget past convictions, or at least makes them pale in importance. It lets us to do stuff we wouldn't ordinarily do. Like give up a 2x exp item. Would I do that for a Coke? Hell no. Yet I would in this case. That's because a Coke can't love me. It'll more likely end up in the dumpster than in a photo framed for eternity in my handphone. But a friend, not even a grilfriend or a boyfriend, can love you, and that's worth more than all the 0s and 1s in the world.
I'm getting good at getting to the point. These things just keep getting shorter.
Anyway, think about it. Think about going the extra mile for someone who you care about and who cares about you. This isn't a way to pick up girls fast, its a way to show your friends you care about them. Nothing more to it.
Incidentally, the item was stackable.
save me
from myself
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Well everyone, not that any of you actually care, but my exams are over. Did I do well? Did I study enough? Well... Don't ask stupid questions.
I've been thinking about thinking about thinking lately. Layman's translation: very very VERY bored. what I've been thinking about currently escapes me though. It was probably more preachy stuff, or stuff I've talked about here before, or stuff that you all would never even read or listen to, or, BONUS, all three together. Anyway, give me a sec to get my thoughts together.
...
...
...
,,,
!!!
?!?
Ahem.
Yeah I think I've got it.
No that was just the undercooked steak I had.
Ok, here we go. I've been having some angsty thoughts, some of which have been reflected in my choice of nickname on msn. Yes, it's a pretty sad outlet, but meh, it works for me. One of the latest ones was "Sometimes I think of exposing all the lies I've been concealing. Then I wonder why I haven't already done so." Well isn't that just a little ray of sunshine.
Let's face it though, we all have lies. All of us, no exceptions. Some to protect ourselves, like when I forge my mom's signature on my report card so she doesn't have to see I failed, some to protect others, like when I tell the girl I like that I don't like her since I know I relationship with me is going to be deadended on her end. We've all heard about how this protection is just a pretense, how the truth may suck at first but ultimately is what they need to hear. We've all heard it, but what if it's not true.
Think about it. When we're young, we got told everything is like black and white, and it eventually becomes the truth. Captain Planet is good, the Joker is bad, blah blah blah. Everything is clearcut and it's so nice that everything is certain. Then we grow up, we learn Batman had a crappy past, that Magneto really WAS fighting for the good of mutants, that evil people are not all evil and that good people aren't all good. They grey areas appear and we get confused, we get angsty and our tiny little bubble worlds that we live in get suddenly and violently popped. Man that has to suck. Then we grow up, we become adults, we have our own kids and now its our job to create little bubble worlds for them. Why though? Is the truth really so horrible that everything has to be broken down and simplified? Keep them innocent, keep them sweet and adorable and moan in oh-so-flaming agony when they grow up, hate us, take our car out without permission and do drugs. That's a bit of an exaggeration I know, but think about it. It's true. We will one day be in charge of our own little children's soul, and we're charged with making sure they don't grow messed up. But is lying really the way to go here?
No one has any place telling me the lies I tell are a false pretense of protection when they themselves lied to their children to "keep them safe". Then again, maybe now that they've made that mistake they know better. Who knows? Seriously, we have got to whip out our little needles of truth and poke all these bubble worlds of lies that have been set up around us and that we've set up around others. Easier said than done, I know. Personally, I'm in no mood to tell her I like her. Maybe when I'm drunk. But it's probably for the best if I tell her now. We've got to stop the lies. It may seem like the most insignificant of sins, but that's a lie in itself. I think it's worse than murder. Kill a man, you end his life. Lie to man again and again, you deny him his right to the truth. Live in a lie or not live at all. Which is worse?
Incidentally, I haven't had steak for a while.
Darryl Foo
save me
from myself
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Happy Easter everyone. I celebrated by watching The Pianist. Bloody good movie. Holocaustness. Hopefully my one and only window into warfare. Sickening. Blood, blind prejudice, cold-blooded murder, the streets paved with dead. Isn't that just so heartwarming? Yup, Humankind, This Is Your Life!!!
From the beginning, you were faced with pride, anger and temptation. Yup, remember those early days, back when you could count the number of people alive on your fingers. Remeber your fall, when the Serpent tempted Eve to eat of the Forbidden Fruit. Oh yes, those were the days.
Then remember, several decades later? The very first Murder! When Cain killed Abel. Yes, look back on your childhood with fondness. That wasn't the first though, oh no, you were to go on and rape, pillage and murder all the way till the end of your days!
Of course, there is no time to pick out each and everyone of your life works, so let's skip to the largest scale ones. Here we go, the Armenian Genocide! Later to be Hitler's inspiration for the Holocaust, the Armenian Genocide nearly wiped out an entire nation! Moving on now to the Holocaust. Ah yes, perhaps the grandest of all, tying in some of the key points of your psyche. Prejudice, cold-bloodedness, the power of langauge in propaganda, so many things, so little time. A reported 6 million Jews dead! What an achievement!
Yes, truly humankind is knee deep in its own litany of lies. Hitler said it was for their own good, and indeed, nearly all of Humankind's motivation stems from the laws of self preservation and self interest.
Hell, the entire economy is based on self interest.
Now, back to Easter, illustrating yet another point in human self interest. Look at it. Easter is now all about the bunnies and the chocolate eggs and all that trash. Ever thought about why? Why its like that? Why is it always on a Sunday, instead of being a set date, like Christmas. Why does it always follow Good Friday? Why is Good Friday good? Ever thought about that? Well, I think I know the answer to all those questions. What makes Good Friday good and why Easter is celebrated in this manner.
Almost 2000 years ago, there was a man named Jesus. In my opinion, the greatest man to ever have lived. He was the Son of God. This news didn't go down too well with the Jewish leaders so they persecuted him. Now, to us, persecution is just a word. Most of us don't even know what persecution is. Think of yourself. Think of having an army of people who constantly bitch about you following you around. Think that this isnt the 21st century so they would beat you given half the chance. Yeah, it was worse than that.
Persecution for him continued for three years. Three and a half actually. 1260 days. On and on. Thing with Jesus is, he was the Son of God. He had the arsenal of heaven behind him. All destruction, all healing, everything. He could have looked at them and turned them to dust. But he didn't. He put up with it. Out of love.
Arsenal of heaven inculdes foresight.
He knew what was going to happen. He knew they would kill him if they had the chance. He knew. And he did nothing. Again out of love.
One night, he went into the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed. Prayed to his Father. For the people, for his disciples and for himself. Three prayers. He knew his time was almost up. He knew what torture they would subject him to. Again, a single word would have brought angels around him and saved him. But he didn't. He knew his mission.
In the garden, he stayed up all night. All the way through, praying, weeping. He sweated blood. SWEATED BLOOD. Think of the worse exam stress you've ever had. Did you sweat blood?
Then came twilight, and in walked Judas, his most trusted disciple. With the Roman army behind him. He betrayed Jesus. The romans took him into custody and he was tried before Pontius Pilate. But that wasn't all.
He was whipped with leather attached to a bunch of metal shrapnel. He was beaten, he was stripped, a crown of thorns was PUSHED into his head. And he was conscious all the while. As blood flowed down his head and his body, he was conscious.
They then made him carry a wooden cross through the streets up to the Mount of Olives. First key phrase: carry a wooden cross. He had just been beaten and blood was flowing and they made him carry a cross. Not a tiny cross either, like the one I wear around my neck. This was twice the size of a man. And he carried it alone. Second key phrase: through the streets. People had been persecuting him for three and a half years. Now here he was, naked, bleeding, carrying a heavy cross through the streets. Pity? you wish. They shouted abuse and hurled rotten vegetables, anything at him. Pelted him with whatever they could lift up. Make that walk up the mount the longest walk in his life. Third key phrase: up to the Mount of Olives. He made it. He got all the way up. Through the abuse, through the torture. He made it. Of course he did, you might say. He was the Son of God. But get this. He never once used any power. Proof: the abusers were yelling at him. "If you are the Son of God, prove it!" They were looking for any sign of divinity. All of them. They were certain he couldn't. So why wouldn't they look for it. It just made them feel better. To know that they were right.
Once up there, they nailed him to the cross. Nailed him. With large iron nails. Through his hands and through his feet. No anaesthetic. Think about that. After all that, they nailed him to the very cross he carried all the way up.
It continued. The abuse, while he hung up there to dry. And he asked his Father to forgive him. Forgive them, for they know not what they do. How's that for loving your enemy? How many of you could claim to that? Forgive the ones who beat and whipped you. Forgive the ones who pushed the crown of thorns onto your head. Forgive them all. Forgive.
Then he died. On a Friday. That was Good Friday.
Thing is, the following Sunday, people saw him walking around. He came back. Just like he said he would. On the third day, he would come back. He fulfilled his prophecy. That was Easter. The day the Son of God came back to life. That is why Easter exists.
Eggs used to be a symbol of rebirth, and they probably still are now. That's how the egg tradition started. That bit is all good, sure. Why not bring some symbolism into the best day of the world. Its what commercialisation has done to it that gets me all pissed.
Firstly, the bunny. Someone please explain this to me. What does what I jjust stated up there have to do with bunnies? And the chocolate. Its all well and good, but honestly. What does the Ressurrection have to do with chocolate? Its all a ploy by companies to get more money. That's what it is. Someone prove to me otherwise. Please.
Commercialisation sucks.
save me
from myself
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I don't know why I'm posting here. Call it a compulsion. Been listening to Graduation - Friends Forever by Vitamin C over and over again and I think its getting to me. There may be other factors, but I won't discuss them here.
Change keeps coming. It rears its head around the corner, catching us unawares. Sometimes its good, sometimes you'd rather it go bother someone else, but whatever the case, we all know that change will always happen.
Take me for example. Separated from my friends, the only school I ever loved, the only friends I ever loved. Signing up for msn. Getting a blog. Learning how to friggin' type. Change comes. Its integral to life.
Whee, integrals. Calculus reference! But I digress.
Maybe the air here is geting to me, but I can't help but think of things in terms of the end value. That might be why I like math. I see something, and I think, how will this end? Is there an end? Should there be an end. Same with the people around me. When my great grandmother was still alive, I would look at her with sadness and remorse. I would be sad, because I knew that her end would come soon. I guess I was proud of her as well though. She died at the age of 99. Her funeral was shit though. I know why she died. She had an attack and the doctor decided the best thing to do would be to let her go. She could have been a centenarian. Damn doctor. He caused the end I kept seeing in her.
Thing is, I saw life in those eyes. I saw something I could never imagine. It was the look of experience. Its too bad she only spoke hainanese, of which I don;t know a word. It would have been nice to speak to her. I saw simultaneously an end, but a pathway to that end. And it pissed me off that she didn't fulfill her entire path. No kidding, she had enough to live a bit longer. Maybe I could have learnt hainanese in that time.
All these changes. Most of the time I could say I hate them. And its true, I don't like change. I don't like being pushed out of my comfort zone. That's why its called a comfort zone. But that's the only way we ever learn and grow. For some strange stupid reason that I do not know of, I've decided to embrace change. Its given me the epiphanies of the past and will hopefully pave the way to wisdom of the future. I need that. I need that really badly right now.
No, I have no idea what the point of this is. I just decided to type before the moment died. Change works again. By tomorrow, I doubt I would feel this way. Its just as well I learnt to type.
Fweh, you guys know who I am so no signature.
save me
from myself
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ZOMBSPLOSION!!! A POST!!! IT LIVES!!!
Yeah yeah, great. Ok kiddies, confession time. I have no idea what to say, Ive only got twenty minutes to say it and I'm majorly drunk. Punch drunk. Or the other kind. Whichever. Anyway, the point is I feel like writing something, but I don't know what.
Meh, when has that ever stopped me. Its the basis for my -not soon to be completed- novel and every English essay I've ever written. Fun.
Here goes.
Fuck.
Ok, give me a sec to catch my breath.
-Inhales-
-Exhales-
-Repeat-
Fuck.
Dammit, this isn't working.
Ok, I've spoken about a lot of things on this and, chances are, none of you have taken any notice. Not that I mind. Its been my lifelong dream to have me every word misinterpreted or completely ignored.
Ok, now I know why I wanted to say something. I just watched Gundam Seed. Damn that guy's philosophy messes with your head.
Then again, his philosophy is exactly the same as mine.
Y'know, the whole humanity sucks and we are doomed to our own destruction yadda yadda yadda bla bla whatever.
Well now, we have here a problem. If that's my take on the world, why the hell do I keep on living. Why not kill myself, since the world is a shithole anyway. Why not. Yeah, why not. Sounds good. Might even be painless.
Yeah, fuck that. Not gonna happen.
I said the world is a shitty place. Now, I wholeheartedly believe that, but I also believe in a little something else I like to call hope. -OH GOD THERE HE GOES TALKING ABOUT HOPE WHAT AN IDIOT HES USING IT AS A CRUTCH CUZ HE CANT STAND REALITY-
OMB!!! WHAT GAVE IT AWAY!!!
Yeah everyone, hope is my crutch and its made out of a special metal called God. Yeah, I have a crutch, so what? What am I supposed to do when I have a limp? Hop around like a mad chicken? I'm damn grateful for this crutch, and so should you be. Its the only reason I don't lose balance and fall head first into your lunch.
Yeah, sure, but God ain't my only crutch, I got to tell ya. I said I believe in hope. Damn straight. I don't just hope. I believe in hope.
Maybe I'm drunk, but for some reason I think I can see little shafts of light coming out of your souls.
I like those lights, which is freaky for me cuz I'm a child who prefers the darkness. This light has allure though. I think it used to be called childish innocence, or the good in people. Meh, same difference. The point is, I see a light somewhere and a smile is a thousand watt beacon sending out the message.
Yeah, so what if I see a light? Maybe I'm high from my special mix.
Think about it. This world really -really- sucks. Don't try and deny it. This world -sucks-. It would be nice to know that there is still some light somewhere. And there is. I've seen it. In many places. But most of all in her smile..............
Ok, dreamtime over. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is. Maybe I'm trying to tell you guys that no matter what there is always something out there worth living for. Nah. I could never be that preachy.
-Cough-
Anything worth dying for is worth fighting for, and anything worth fighting for is worth living for. With life comes change, with death comes change, but life means that some of that change might come from you. Go out, make a difference, find that something you can live for and stick with it forever. Its worth it.
save me
from myself
<$BlogDateHeaderDate$>
funni thing, i am not sure abt this, but seems quite common. it is like, a total contradiction. when we were young, we keep dairies. we dun want ppl to look at our dairies, or journals. toy manufacturers make dairies with locks and everything... waste of money though. so some kids will ask their parents to get one of those or some other random dairy with lock or just lock their own dairy up. we hate it when someone reads it . but as we progress deeper into our life, we keep blogs. (those manufacturers are going bandkrupt) . now its like, we want ppl to look at our blogs. it is like, if no one comes and look at it, we'll die or something. total contradiction. alot of things turn out this way too. and we still want our parents to give us privacy and not tell them what happened in one of the chapter of out life. kinda like reading between the lions in the first part of the story. in the midpart, everything is straight to the point. and as we hit the second half of the book, we have lots of routes, like cliff hangers, just leave it and end there, or some bad ending or some happy ending ... and they lived happily ever after... no second sequel to the book, but loads of editions. this is getting crappy.
just think that i am crapping, see how gay my thinking is... all craped up yep, all crapped up.
save me
from myself
