Depression strikes pitilessly. Its a well established fact that I'm sure I do not need to hammer into your skulls any further.
Why the hell, then, am I blogging again?
Out of, you guessed it, depression.
The classic hedgehog dilemma: One who seeks companionship, but due to past hurts has developed a set of quills and thus cannot come close to anyone without driving them off. In the words of a wise man:
The walls we build to keep out our enemies also obstruct those who may become our friends.
I don't blame people like that at all. I've had to speak with some of them, and the shit they go through is really quite hardcore. Who can blame someone for losing faith in all humanity when whenever they show kindness, they are paid back, with a 100% interest rate compounded continually, in comtempt, anger and general disdain. I don't blame the hedgehog.
I blame the fuckers.
I realize that the term is a bit broad, describing most of the planet's sentient population, myself included, so here are the specs.
Fuckers who practise the ancient, finely honed arts of hypocrisy, bitchcraft and total lack of all self awareness. They care for no one but themselves and treat others without respect.
Does that help you focus? Maybe on yourselves? I know I'm included in that somewhere.
Earlier today I spoke to someone having gone through shit roughly equivalent to that. It is not a healthy position for happiness. Then again, I coaxed it out, so its my own shit if I feel bad right now. Obsessive compulsive helping disorder? Maybe. Hell, I've got so many other neuroses, the more the merrier.
Anyway, here is the problem. The problem is that I cannot directly attack the problem. The problem, of course, are the fuckers I have described a couple of paragraphs up. They exist, they practise their hubristic, self worshipping, depraved art and they are living amongst society today, messing with people's lives, screwing up friendships and driving the victim's into their own fucking hermitages because according to them, the world is like a great big onion. No matter how you slice it, someone ends up crying.
Fuck.
I love to help people. That's really my only goal in life. School, jobs, money and all such bullshit can burn for all I care. I just want to leave the world better than the way I found it. Even a little. Many people have that ideaology. They try to help. They build shelters, they donate vast amounts of cash, they sponsor children. God bless them and their charity work, but obviously, the problem is not over, and for a very simple reason.
The problem is not the circumstances. The problem is other people. People like those fuckers out there, who live for themselves, who wouldn't give half a shit if they cause someone pain. Actually, my bad, I take that back. They do give a shit, in fact they give TWO shits, and the people who they hurt are the ones they give it to.
Have you ever really thought about what a massive nexus of power a single human being is? One person could muster an entire nation to war against the world. One person could lead a nation to its independance through peace. One person could free an entire country from racism and foster a new generation of friendship and love, and all it took was one man to challenge the legalistic views of the people and bring them to love, hope and salvation. A single human being holds within him or her a remarkable amount of power. If only they choose to harness it.
Those people I listed there, they are all real people. And they were human. Some had divine inspiration true, but they were still people. And we all have that power. Every single damned one of us could change the world, if only we tried. Every single one of us.
And what do I see?
I see people harnessing the powers of their tongue to break others down, to spread falsehood, to spite, to bitch, to dampen hearts and destroy spirits. I see them driving a wedge between friends, creating a rift of cynicism, a schism of distrust between those who were once close. Maybe its just me, but I don't think humanity as a whole needs that shit. Lord knows we can do without it.
These people, they come like insects, like flies, driving themselves into our relationships, spoiling everything they hold dear and showing absolutely no remorse. And don't get me started on those who act as if the person had it coming, or as if they never knew they were doing it. Those people are the worst. Get a grip. Get a damn clue over what you do to other people with your actions. Its your damned responsibility.
When you talk to someone, do something behind their back, do you ever stop to think about how this may hurt the person or affect them? Ever? Or do you only care about yourself, do it for fun to watch them squirm while you amass friends, followers and worshippers?
If it is the second, I pray for you, for as easily as those people come flocking to you, just as easily will they leave you. Such 'friends' are like pollen seeds floating in the wind. For a short while they may cling to you, but when the wind picks up, they fly away. Friends you earn legitimately, through trust and kindness, they are like a cedar at the edge of a river, standing firm in all weather and having roots deep in the ground, not to be easily pulled up.
Yeah, go ahead and call me preachy. Its the damned truth and you know it.
How much longer will you amuse yourself with empty relationships? In time they will dissolve, leaving you more empty than ever. How much longer do you wish to sever ties between people, plunging them into despair? How much longer do you WANT to be the cause of suffering and the root of evil. Don't think I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I know.
Don't think for a second that I was aiming all that at the fuckers. Don't you dare. Who placed you above them? How are you any better? You are human, as am I. I was not putting them down, I wasn't preaching to a minority. I was speaking out to everyone in this world, myself included.
Think of those who suffer.
Think about those who lose all faith thanks to your actions.
Think about it.
Don't whip out your bullshit with your 'Well I have problems of my own' pffffftt. You have problems, sure, but so does the rest of this world. Everyone has a problem. Have you ever received help? Have you ever thought for a second that, hey, this is a human, with problems of their own, yet they take the time to help me? You have no excuse not to help. No one does. Starving children manage to share their meals, no matter how small the portion is. Learn from them. How much more have you been given, that is how much more you should give. Don't bitch anymore. Stop with your Machiavellian pursuits. It all comes to nothing. The world was not made for sentience to dominate. It was made for sentience to propagate, to build up and strengthen, to leave a legacy for those left behind.
What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?
What do you want people to say about you when you're gone?
What do you want to be known as?
What do you want to have done?
I sound like a hypocrite now. In all previous posts, I have stated that we are individual beings, and thats its impossible for us to ever fully understand each other. Here I am advocating love and peace and the greater good, to understand your fellows and love them accordingly.
I'm no hypocrite.
Its true we can never understand each other. That is why we need love. Love understands nothing. Love just loves. It is the only way we can ever connect with other people, because we all think differently. Have you ever tried to love your enemy? It is possible, for true love will not seek to understand, it will merely love, and then you will find that your enemy shall be no more, and you will have gained a friend. You are kind to your friends to keep them and kind to your enemies to turn them.
Have you ever thought of stopping all bitching and just loving everyone? I sure have. Its part of the reason why I have no enemies. I can love anyone, no matter who. Some easier than others, granted, but I do like to believe that I could love anyone.
You try it.
Don't ever say that there is something about someone that you cannot stand. There is definitely something about you that others cannot stand. Humans are frail, stupid, stubborn, self serving and prideful. Love them anyway.
Stop the bitchcraft and the distrust based on hearsay and rumours. Find out the truth for yourself for a change. I tell you, it is worth it.
Love.
When the world gets to the point where we all love each other, no rules, no legalism, no prejudice, just pure love, we will find that we will no longer need charities. We will no longer need the Red Cross. We will no longer need the Salvation Army. I look forward to such a day. If not in my time, then in my children's.
I have a dream.
I have a dream of peace.
I have a dream, that someday, not too far in the future, those who destroyed friendships and those whom have had their friendships destroyed will be sitting at the table as friends, as brothers and sisters, with all sins forgiven.
I dare to have such a dream, but a dream is only that. A dream. Effort must be put in to make dreams reality, and this dream calls for the effort of everyone. It may seem a large burden, but that burden is shared amongst more than six billion people. It will become decidedly lighter.
It is strange how those we love most are the ones we find it hardest to help. I could not help the hedgehog, though I tried and though I love the hedgehog. The problem was beyond me to solve. That is why I am writing here. I need you all to help solve this problem. No person is an island. I firmly believe that. Babies left alone eventually die. Those who attempt to cut themselves off from everyone will eventually face the same fate. Its about time someone started building bridges.
Help the hedgehog. No matter the quills. They mounted their quills thanks to our bitchiness. Only our love can break them back down. Its about time we tried to help.
What is my greatest fear? My greatest fear is not that I am of no use, but that I have limitless potential. I fear abusing that potential and thus I disguise it and deny its existence. I fear what I might do to those I love. I fear hurting them, and thus, I fear getting close to them. I fear love. But no more. If I hide the potential, it all comes to waste. The only way I will ever learn to harness it is by using it. Because of this, I now fear no man and, more importantly, I do not fear love.
This post is directed not to anyone in particular, nor to any one specific race, religion, ethnic group or any other such denomination. It is directed at humans as a whole. I blame no one but everyone for the state of the world, and never once throughout this post do I disclude myself from the rest of humanity. It is as much a plea to myself as the rest of the world.
For those of you who read this and feel touched, or at least affected by it, please pass it on. This is the plea to humanity. My plea to humanity. If you feel the same, please help. One man challenged the legalistic views of the society of his day and as a result, brought about a culture and a way of living that promoted love, peace, fellowship and salvation. I can never aspire to such greatness as him, but this post is my way of showing how I feel. He changed the world. I aim to at least change a heart.
Take your chance.
Change.
Darryl Foo save me
from myself
