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Ok, here I am, my parents throwing some party, me upstairs on a com steadily losing my eyesight and hearing crazy little kids bitching with my piano. Dear God why...... why the piano......
Anyway, seriousness now.
Honestly, I feel like fuck. I've just received the news of what's been going down in the school and, quite frankly, fuck. Seems like life back home is a series of one shithell after another, and, I'm not 100% sure who is giving me the full story.
Then again, isn't that life in general? A series of really crappy experiences?
Meh.
This brings me back to a bunch of earlier posts regarding, lo and behold, bitchcraft. Damn, some people must get a serious high out of this for me to get so many reports on it. Maybe I'll quit kitten huffing and switch my fix to bitchcraft.
And while I'm dreaming, I'd like a nice girlfriend, a lightsaber and the Yamato and Force Edge.
Fuck, you know that feeling you get, when the world seems to spiral into a pit of shit and you want to do something but can't? That would describe how I feel right now, except that I feel kinda worse. Bottomline, I hate hate hate hate HATE it when people have to fuck around with other people. Seriously, I dream about me turning into a fucking demon/angel/demigod/steroidpumpedfuckass and bitchslapping anyone and everyone who would hurt someone else. And I would be smiling. Hypocritical, but I think it's about fucking time someone did something about helping others.
I dream that one day, when I'm rich, I'll be walking through some third world country's streets, look at a bunch of orphans and pick them all up.
Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I wish for too much. Maybe I'm an immature bastard who wants to shield himself from the world because I can't fucking take it.
You know what? That's true. I can't take the world. I can't fucking stand it. Fact is, sometimes I hate it so much I wish I had Dante's Devil Trigger. Or Seighart's elemental prowess. Or Recca's eight Flame Dragons. Or the Ten Commandments. Something that would let me unleash hell on whatever was unleashing hell on whoever. And seriously, those guys had the power to wipe out entire armies. And I'm thinking China's army, with the US as backup. They could take down all them without breakign a sweat. That's how pissed this world makes me sometimes. Call a psychiatrist if you want. I don't fucking give half a shit.
And if I did, I know just who to give it to.
All wrapped nicely with a bleeding card attached.
A HAND DRAWN CARD.
Seriously, this world could go to hell as far as I'm concerned. And If I am damned to go there as well, so fucking be it. All I know is that I want to at least show one person that the world isn't all bad, that there is yet something called love and mercy and forgiveness. If I can bring even one person to see that there is yet a tiny shaft of light then I can die happy, with a big damn smile on my face and the autopsy will prove that I had enough happiness to have come from a metric tonne of cocaine.
Plus heroin.
My own special mix.
A shaft of light eh? Is there such a thing in this world? I remember a wise man once commented on the nature of man.
Galatians 5:19-21 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Even if you don't believe in God, just try disputing that. Mankind is PWND to the max. By ourselves. There is not one human living or dead who could truthfully claim that they have never done at least one of those things. We all suck. What then is this light I keep saying I see?
Maybe I see it because I know and believe in God. Then again, maybe God isn't real, maybe it's all a lie. Maybe mankind is inherently good and we dont need God, all we need is discipline.
Yeah, fuck that theory. We need God more than I need my special mix. Mankind is fucked, FUCKED I SAY. See the serial killers. See the porn addicts. See those who rape and beat and steal and murder. You may think they suck, that they are disgusting and deserve whatever shit they got coming for them. You know what I think?
GOD HELP ME FOR THEY ARE HUMANS AS AM I!!!
Could I marry a serial killer? Maybe not. But hell I am in no fucking position to place judgement over any of them because dammit, I am as supsceptible to whatever the hell they did as well. I AM ALSO HUMAN! We need God. We so so so so soooooo need God. Otherwise we are ALL fucked.
Maybe now I have no place saying that people are nasty bitches. Maybe now you all think I'm a bloody hypocritical bastard. Hmph. I said that I should not pass judgement over those who sin for I am a sinner as well. Yet I said I hated bitches. I said I wish to punish them. I think we all see my sin now. Hypocrisy. Pride. Wrath. How does that make me any different from those in jail?
I still say I hate bitches. Its a hypocrisy, sure, but dammit, my conscience is here for a reason, and if my conscience screams out against the world, I'm going to let it scream and I am going to act. I'm gonna do something one of these days. No point knowing that something is wrong if I don't do anything. And if there are those who can't fucking tell when something is wrong, I'll just have to remind them. Someone's got to do it. Why not me? I've got time, and a total disregard for what people think of me. I might as well.
See the pride?
I want to go home. I want to see the state of things for myself. I want to see the people I want to see, taste the food I want to taste, hug the people I want to hug. Damn, I sound like a sappy idiot but thats what I feel like right now.
What right have I to comment on people's lives? Why do I do it? Hmph, you're asking stupid questions. I have no right to do so, but I do anyway. I do it cuz someone has to shake the foundations of the world now and again, and I figure I might as well.
I would leave a cheap ass sig, but what the hell, you all probably wouldn't care anyway.
Darryl Foo
save me
from myself
