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I don't know why I'm posting here. Call it a compulsion. Been listening to Graduation - Friends Forever by Vitamin C over and over again and I think its getting to me. There may be other factors, but I won't discuss them here.
Change keeps coming. It rears its head around the corner, catching us unawares. Sometimes its good, sometimes you'd rather it go bother someone else, but whatever the case, we all know that change will always happen.
Take me for example. Separated from my friends, the only school I ever loved, the only friends I ever loved. Signing up for msn. Getting a blog. Learning how to friggin' type. Change comes. Its integral to life.
Whee, integrals. Calculus reference! But I digress.
Maybe the air here is geting to me, but I can't help but think of things in terms of the end value. That might be why I like math. I see something, and I think, how will this end? Is there an end? Should there be an end. Same with the people around me. When my great grandmother was still alive, I would look at her with sadness and remorse. I would be sad, because I knew that her end would come soon. I guess I was proud of her as well though. She died at the age of 99. Her funeral was shit though. I know why she died. She had an attack and the doctor decided the best thing to do would be to let her go. She could have been a centenarian. Damn doctor. He caused the end I kept seeing in her.
Thing is, I saw life in those eyes. I saw something I could never imagine. It was the look of experience. Its too bad she only spoke hainanese, of which I don;t know a word. It would have been nice to speak to her. I saw simultaneously an end, but a pathway to that end. And it pissed me off that she didn't fulfill her entire path. No kidding, she had enough to live a bit longer. Maybe I could have learnt hainanese in that time.
All these changes. Most of the time I could say I hate them. And its true, I don't like change. I don't like being pushed out of my comfort zone. That's why its called a comfort zone. But that's the only way we ever learn and grow. For some strange stupid reason that I do not know of, I've decided to embrace change. Its given me the epiphanies of the past and will hopefully pave the way to wisdom of the future. I need that. I need that really badly right now.
No, I have no idea what the point of this is. I just decided to type before the moment died. Change works again. By tomorrow, I doubt I would feel this way. Its just as well I learnt to type.
Fweh, you guys know who I am so no signature.
save me
from myself
