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Well everyone, not that any of you actually care, but my exams are over. Did I do well? Did I study enough? Well... Don't ask stupid questions.
I've been thinking about thinking about thinking lately. Layman's translation: very very VERY bored. what I've been thinking about currently escapes me though. It was probably more preachy stuff, or stuff I've talked about here before, or stuff that you all would never even read or listen to, or, BONUS, all three together. Anyway, give me a sec to get my thoughts together.
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,,,
!!!
?!?
Ahem.
Yeah I think I've got it.
No that was just the undercooked steak I had.
Ok, here we go. I've been having some angsty thoughts, some of which have been reflected in my choice of nickname on msn. Yes, it's a pretty sad outlet, but meh, it works for me. One of the latest ones was "Sometimes I think of exposing all the lies I've been concealing. Then I wonder why I haven't already done so." Well isn't that just a little ray of sunshine.
Let's face it though, we all have lies. All of us, no exceptions. Some to protect ourselves, like when I forge my mom's signature on my report card so she doesn't have to see I failed, some to protect others, like when I tell the girl I like that I don't like her since I know I relationship with me is going to be deadended on her end. We've all heard about how this protection is just a pretense, how the truth may suck at first but ultimately is what they need to hear. We've all heard it, but what if it's not true.
Think about it. When we're young, we got told everything is like black and white, and it eventually becomes the truth. Captain Planet is good, the Joker is bad, blah blah blah. Everything is clearcut and it's so nice that everything is certain. Then we grow up, we learn Batman had a crappy past, that Magneto really WAS fighting for the good of mutants, that evil people are not all evil and that good people aren't all good. They grey areas appear and we get confused, we get angsty and our tiny little bubble worlds that we live in get suddenly and violently popped. Man that has to suck. Then we grow up, we become adults, we have our own kids and now its our job to create little bubble worlds for them. Why though? Is the truth really so horrible that everything has to be broken down and simplified? Keep them innocent, keep them sweet and adorable and moan in oh-so-flaming agony when they grow up, hate us, take our car out without permission and do drugs. That's a bit of an exaggeration I know, but think about it. It's true. We will one day be in charge of our own little children's soul, and we're charged with making sure they don't grow messed up. But is lying really the way to go here?
No one has any place telling me the lies I tell are a false pretense of protection when they themselves lied to their children to "keep them safe". Then again, maybe now that they've made that mistake they know better. Who knows? Seriously, we have got to whip out our little needles of truth and poke all these bubble worlds of lies that have been set up around us and that we've set up around others. Easier said than done, I know. Personally, I'm in no mood to tell her I like her. Maybe when I'm drunk. But it's probably for the best if I tell her now. We've got to stop the lies. It may seem like the most insignificant of sins, but that's a lie in itself. I think it's worse than murder. Kill a man, you end his life. Lie to man again and again, you deny him his right to the truth. Live in a lie or not live at all. Which is worse?
Incidentally, I haven't had steak for a while.
Darryl Foo
save me
from myself
